It is quite hard to type words again for someone who keep silent for a long time. Writing is one of the happiest thing in the world, for people can express their feelings and elaborate their considerations between the lines unrestrainedly. However sometimes I think even this enjoyment will be lost by me, for I have been imposed to choose another living pattern, which whets human's nature roughly, so that no delicate thoughts will ever be remained in people's hearts. Not only this external factor, but personal reasons as well. Sometimes I am just not strong enough to adjust my emotion. I really respect someone who can still produce their works tremendously even in extremely adverse circumstances. I am so weak that I escaped from introspection for a long time and keep on searching for sensual pleasures, until the final punishment of fate comes to me. I know it will come sooner or later for such indulgence, but the thoughts of enjoying pleasure in good time is gaining the upper hand all the time.
The erosion life has continued for a long time. I am much like a lonely duckweed, floating in the surface of the river. The contemporary pleasure has been more and more difficult to fill up the hollow of my soul. The more fleeting delight I have pursued, the more feeling of guilty I have realized later, and it has expanded all the more. Greedy, proud, idle, angry, indulging......all have been precipitated in my character. I suddenly waked up from the poppy dream, what am I doing?! I shouldn't continue the sweet befuddled life anymore, I should discipline myself strictly. Nevertheless, it is very difficult because turning from negative to positive mental attitude is the same as climbing the mountain, and I should make no effort to resist all kinds of attractiveness. nevertheless, as long as I know this kind of experience is unavoidable, I have to adjust myself from time to time in order not to lose myself again.
