Thursday, September 2, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
keeping flowers
It is valuable to recollect the days of keeping those flowers, the reason is obscure, but there's one thing obvious, for my frame of mind has experienced a dramatic process, with the life transit of flowers.
One month ago, when I was younger, I often wander around the crowd of colorful flowers of a stall, and appreciate their beauty silently. It's funny because I even don't want others gain an insight into my mind, that I became an "anthomaniac", who will be laughed at in this generation, so I pretend to be just passing from the crowd, walking from this side to another, busy as a bee. Each time I only stare at them for a short time, but their beautiful images were deeply engraved in my mind.
The situation has kept for a week, and during the period I think if only I can see them for a moment every day I will be satisfied. However later on I found it was not enough at all, if I could own them, they would be able to show their beauty whenever they want! How eager they were at that moment! Though they never talk.
Thinking this way, I select a beam of flower, who I personally thought are the most beautiful one in the crowd. I couldn't define their name, but they are neither noble roses, nor elegant lilies; they are neither missish tulips, nor delicate jasmine. Their beauty is very direct, brave, and even rampant, the shape of their petals is the same as sunshine, and the most attractive part is the color, which is rosy red, neither bloody nor dim as purple ones. How bright the color is! Whenever they were fairly standing in front of me, the gloomy would be driven away from my heart. So I must bring them home! On my way back, with the rosy shine of flowers reflect in my face, the scene caught the eyes of many people; at that moment I was virtually the most elegant person in the world.
The first a few days past slowly, for every morning I woke up and every evening I went back home, they would be checked very carefully, from their bottom to the top, from their stems to pistils. After that I change the bottle of water contaminating them, and moisten a piece of cloth, wipe every petal of them, in order to keep them as long as possible. I grasped them with profound respect and humility, like there was a sleepy goddess inside my arms, I must not disturb her sweet dream. Every day I spent half an hour to take care of them.
The doleful time could be frittered away so easily, I felt like this for the first time. Talking to them was really amazing, although I felt shy at the beginning, later on I just sang a lot of songs and even cry as a witch to them. The feeling is quite different from when I was writing a blog, but also a little bit similar, no reaction actually from anywhere, but I can image it for numerous possibilities, happy, agree, or angry, disagree, from numerous different hearts. I was not familiar with the soul of the flower goddess, but I believed in her. She must have a most kind heart and be tolerant with all the naughty things I have done to her, and I have not even a little bit blasphemy mind towards her, every ludicrous behavior of mine was proceeded from the most respect purpose.
The flowers were kept much longer than I expected. Nevertheless, every life would tend to old and death. After the flowers reached the peak of their lives, they began to droop, and their stems were not able to support their chaplets gradually, and their proud petals furled inch by inch, as they were too shame to show their oldness to me.
Now that it is the unavoidable tendency, there was no driving force to keep me making the effort every day as before. I helplessly looked at them, with no tears in my eye socket, became droop day by day. The situation went down the drain, so I made a decision, I moved the flowers out of my sight, so that I could forget their death generally.
Strangely, the more I do to forget them, the more clearly I remember their oldness. I took them out and observed their droop after a certain period of time. After a few revisions, I have accepted their oldness peacefully. They would never be beautiful again, so there's nothing to do with it. Their beauty is always blooming in my memory, forever and ever.
Keeping flowers only once in a whole life is absolutely enough for me, for my poor memory can not contain too many images of flowers, and I know the goddess would feel jealous if I repeat the whole process for lots of times. Farewell, dear flower!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
FedEx
Networks identified
FedEx is utilizing a global network, belonging to any communication network which spread all over the world. In another word, it is bidirectional communication network, and also technology-based network. The corporation supports 24-48 hour package delivery to anywhere in the world, and it operates one of the world’s busiest data-processing centre, handling over 100 million information requests per day from more than 3000 databases and more than 500000 archives files.
FedEx operates the client–server model of computing, which is a distributed application structure that partitions tasks or workloads between the providers of a resource or service, servers, and service requesters. That is also computer network in which one centralized, powerful computer, called the server, is a hub to which many less powerful personal computers or workstations, called clients, are connected. The clients run purchase order programs and access products information that are stored on the FedEx Web server. Often clients and servers communicate over the client network on separate hardware, but both client and server may reside in the same system. In a network, the client/server model provides a convenient way to interconnect programs that are distributed efficiently across different locations. A server merchant is a host that is running one or more server programs which share their catalog resources with clients online. A client does not share its resources, but requests a server's content or service function. Clients therefore initiate communication sessions with servers which await incoming requests.
FedEx is also using Real-time computing, or reactive computing; it’s the study of hardware and software systems that are subject to a "real-time constraint" —i.e., operational deadlines from event to system response. FedEx real time system may be one where its application can be considered (within context) to be mission critical. Temporal failures are typically small and compartmentalized but are not catastrophic failures. In a real-time system, such as the FTSE 100 Index, a slow-down beyond limits would often be considered catastrophic in its application context.
IT improves the performance of FedEx
In order to improve its competitive advantage beyond the companies all over the world, IT support is the basic element and critical factor for development of business trading as well as financal management.
The e-shipping tools is used here as the major software application. It’s a web-based shipping application that allows customers to check the status of shipments through the company’s web page. It’s periodically assessed where the FedEx stands with respect to its goals objectives, so that consumers can monitor the performance of transportation.
The company is also providing synthesis solutions to allocate the entire selling and supply chain needs of its customers. The e-Commerce Solutions offer a full attach of services that allow businesses to integrate FedEx’s conveyance and information systems seamlessly into their own operations. It’s the perspective about how the marketing and services performance can be improved, providing critical responses for those activities.
FedEx sells several e-commerce hardware/software solutions: FedEx Powership MC, which is a multicarrier hardware or software system, FedEx Ship Manager Server, which is a hardware or software system providing high-speed transactions and superior reliability, allowing an average of eight transactions per second; FedEx Ship API, which is an Internet-based application that tolerates customization, eliminating redundant programming; as well as FedEx Net-Return, which is a Web-based item-return management system. It makes business-to-business electronic commerce through combinations of global virtual private network connectivity, Internet connectivity, leased-line connectivity and VAN connectivity. Those solutions are all improvements for technical perspective of marketing and accounting areas.
Personalization and customization provided by FedEx
One of the success reason of FedEx Corporation is it attaches importance to personalization and customization very much, for they can bring the competitive advantage to the company and can attract and maintain many customers. Personalization implies that the changes are based on implicit data, such as items purchased or pages viewed. It involves using technology to accommodate the differences between individuals. "Prediction Based on Benefit", has been proposed for products with complex attributes such as apparel .The term customization in this context refers to the ability of users to modify the page layout or specify what content should be displayed. Web personalization models used by FedEx Corporation include rules-based filtering and collaborative filtering, which serves relevant material to customers by combining their own personal preferences with the preferences of like-minded others.
Merchant place their catalogs online, Web pages are personalized based on the characteristics of an individual. Whenever a consumer allocates a purchase order on the website, it is sent to a FedEx Web server. Information about the order and the customer is then sent to the merchant’s PC, and a message is sent to the customer to confirm receipt of the order. FedEx is able to quickly configure customized products from the website, including the final design, ordering, and paying for the products, are all done online.
FedEx customers browse the catalog deciding what to buy. Information regarding the processing of the order is accessible at the three remote electronic data centres located in the United States, the Europe/Mediterranean region, and the Asia Pacific region. During the entire process, the customer, the merchant, and FedEx employees can track at any time the status of the order and its fulfilment via the Web. The product and service are created according to the buyer’s specifications.
Benefits to the customers
Because so many personalization and customization practices are penetrated within the business processes, the e-commerce-based FedEx business model provides benefits for customers in several ways: It enables better communication and cooperation between all kinds of companies along the selling and supply chains.
It promotes efficiency obtains by reducing costs and increase the speed of ordering cycle.
It encourages customers use FedEx as a shipper but also to outsource to FedEx all their logistics activities.
It also provides FedEx a competitive edge and increased revenue and profits. It saves the time for customers to wait to the end of transaction by placing the order and requirements online, delivering the order by internet.
It prevents redundant work; eliminates service components unnecessary to a customer; identify lower-cost solutions that meet all other specifications, so that the price can be reduced because of the lower costs.
It filters out information not related to a customer; provide more specific information that is increasingly relevant to the customer’s interests; enhance the reliability of information; replace “average” information with information special to customer’s environment.
It allows a company to tailor a specific product in accordance with individual standards, tastes and preferences.
Consumers are able to place orders based on product family, usage, price range, processor, and form factors.
Q5. E-commerce model in this case
Although the company makes use of advanced technology into its business information system, there are potential problems inside its E-business model. The model used in the FedEx case is the e-business to customer model. B2C stands for "business-to-consumer" and applies to any business or organization that sells its products or services to consumers over the Internet for its own use. Electronic commerce focuses on the use of ICT to enable the external activities and relationships of the business with individuals, groups and other businesses. Although the electronic B2C model has brought FedEx Corporation much advantages, there are still many potential problems hided under the surface.
For general users of e-commerce, the accessibility to Internet, such as web catalogs and servers, are unstable, expensive and insufficient in particular areas. This will generate limitations for business in accessing wider markets. Another problem is that if a business system's scalability is not sufficient and is able to be upgraded, it will result in debase, speed-down, and finally losing of customers.
Overall, the main disadvantage of E-commerce in general is the lack of trust and critical public infrastructure, slow navigation on the FedEx website, the high chance of consuming unideal products, and most of all lack of security for purchasing, such as transferring the banking account fund with secret codes provided.
For the FedEx Corporation e-commerce system, there is no universally accepted standard for quality, security and reliability. The software of e-commerce development tools, such as e-Shopping tools and Ship Manager Server, are always developing, and have difficulties in integrating the Internet and E-commerce software with parts of the existing applications and databases.
The lack of trust is one main reason why customers are unwilling to accept FedEx E-commerce due to privacy and security considerations. However, recent payment systems such as PayPal can solve this kind of problem. The danger of hackers accessing customer files and corrupting accounts is also related to privacy and legal problems.
For some middle-aged customers, it is hard to change their habit of viewing web catalog merchandise online; those customers persist in traditional ways of purchasing physical goods in actual shops and feel it difficult to change from a real to a virtual company.
Another drawback is that there are some products that people will not buy online. For some high-cost and unique items which have difficulties in offering the items in the e-commerce mode. Many of those products have websites that allow customers to browse, but most customers still want to feel and touch the item before they make a decision. Different expectations of goods and services from customers are typical of the online purchasing environment. An example is in the perception of colour. Due to different monitor facilities, imprecise information about colour makes it difficult for customers to make an accurate decision when purchasing online. Because customers are unable to trial or access the actual goods before buying and transferring, many customers will not take the risk of purchasing via the Internet.
The main disadvantage of FedEx e-business also contains the lack of growth in some sectors on account of product or sector limitations. Consumers do not look for food products on the Internet since they prefer going to the supermarket to buy the necessary items as and when the need arises.
Costly E-Business Solutions for Optimization: Substantial resources are required for redefining product lines in order to sell online. Upgrading computer systems, training IS employees, and updating website contents and status requires substantial resources, such as new hardware/software systems and services for transportation systems. Moreover, Electronic Data Management and Enterprise Resource Planning (ERP) necessary for ensuring optimal FedEx internal business processes may be looked upon, by some competitive companies, as one of the disadvantages of e-business.
Whatever the situation is, FedEx Corporation has to eventually change its measure and adopt e-business practices in order to pledge subsistence and success. For such deep analysis into advantages and disadvantages of its business model, as well as great improvement made by its managers and investors, the status of the company is considered the second most admired company in the US and also highly all over the world.
FedEx is utilizing a global network, belonging to any communication network which spread all over the world. In another word, it is bidirectional communication network, and also technology-based network. The corporation supports 24-48 hour package delivery to anywhere in the world, and it operates one of the world’s busiest data-processing centre, handling over 100 million information requests per day from more than 3000 databases and more than 500000 archives files.
FedEx operates the client–server model of computing, which is a distributed application structure that partitions tasks or workloads between the providers of a resource or service, servers, and service requesters. That is also computer network in which one centralized, powerful computer, called the server, is a hub to which many less powerful personal computers or workstations, called clients, are connected. The clients run purchase order programs and access products information that are stored on the FedEx Web server. Often clients and servers communicate over the client network on separate hardware, but both client and server may reside in the same system. In a network, the client/server model provides a convenient way to interconnect programs that are distributed efficiently across different locations. A server merchant is a host that is running one or more server programs which share their catalog resources with clients online. A client does not share its resources, but requests a server's content or service function. Clients therefore initiate communication sessions with servers which await incoming requests.
FedEx is also using Real-time computing, or reactive computing; it’s the study of hardware and software systems that are subject to a "real-time constraint" —i.e., operational deadlines from event to system response. FedEx real time system may be one where its application can be considered (within context) to be mission critical. Temporal failures are typically small and compartmentalized but are not catastrophic failures. In a real-time system, such as the FTSE 100 Index, a slow-down beyond limits would often be considered catastrophic in its application context.
IT improves the performance of FedEx
In order to improve its competitive advantage beyond the companies all over the world, IT support is the basic element and critical factor for development of business trading as well as financal management.
The e-shipping tools is used here as the major software application. It’s a web-based shipping application that allows customers to check the status of shipments through the company’s web page. It’s periodically assessed where the FedEx stands with respect to its goals objectives, so that consumers can monitor the performance of transportation.
The company is also providing synthesis solutions to allocate the entire selling and supply chain needs of its customers. The e-Commerce Solutions offer a full attach of services that allow businesses to integrate FedEx’s conveyance and information systems seamlessly into their own operations. It’s the perspective about how the marketing and services performance can be improved, providing critical responses for those activities.
FedEx sells several e-commerce hardware/software solutions: FedEx Powership MC, which is a multicarrier hardware or software system, FedEx Ship Manager Server, which is a hardware or software system providing high-speed transactions and superior reliability, allowing an average of eight transactions per second; FedEx Ship API, which is an Internet-based application that tolerates customization, eliminating redundant programming; as well as FedEx Net-Return, which is a Web-based item-return management system. It makes business-to-business electronic commerce through combinations of global virtual private network connectivity, Internet connectivity, leased-line connectivity and VAN connectivity. Those solutions are all improvements for technical perspective of marketing and accounting areas.
Personalization and customization provided by FedEx
One of the success reason of FedEx Corporation is it attaches importance to personalization and customization very much, for they can bring the competitive advantage to the company and can attract and maintain many customers. Personalization implies that the changes are based on implicit data, such as items purchased or pages viewed. It involves using technology to accommodate the differences between individuals. "Prediction Based on Benefit", has been proposed for products with complex attributes such as apparel .The term customization in this context refers to the ability of users to modify the page layout or specify what content should be displayed. Web personalization models used by FedEx Corporation include rules-based filtering and collaborative filtering, which serves relevant material to customers by combining their own personal preferences with the preferences of like-minded others.
Merchant place their catalogs online, Web pages are personalized based on the characteristics of an individual. Whenever a consumer allocates a purchase order on the website, it is sent to a FedEx Web server. Information about the order and the customer is then sent to the merchant’s PC, and a message is sent to the customer to confirm receipt of the order. FedEx is able to quickly configure customized products from the website, including the final design, ordering, and paying for the products, are all done online.
FedEx customers browse the catalog deciding what to buy. Information regarding the processing of the order is accessible at the three remote electronic data centres located in the United States, the Europe/Mediterranean region, and the Asia Pacific region. During the entire process, the customer, the merchant, and FedEx employees can track at any time the status of the order and its fulfilment via the Web. The product and service are created according to the buyer’s specifications.
Benefits to the customers
Because so many personalization and customization practices are penetrated within the business processes, the e-commerce-based FedEx business model provides benefits for customers in several ways: It enables better communication and cooperation between all kinds of companies along the selling and supply chains.
It promotes efficiency obtains by reducing costs and increase the speed of ordering cycle.
It encourages customers use FedEx as a shipper but also to outsource to FedEx all their logistics activities.
It also provides FedEx a competitive edge and increased revenue and profits. It saves the time for customers to wait to the end of transaction by placing the order and requirements online, delivering the order by internet.
It prevents redundant work; eliminates service components unnecessary to a customer; identify lower-cost solutions that meet all other specifications, so that the price can be reduced because of the lower costs.
It filters out information not related to a customer; provide more specific information that is increasingly relevant to the customer’s interests; enhance the reliability of information; replace “average” information with information special to customer’s environment.
It allows a company to tailor a specific product in accordance with individual standards, tastes and preferences.
Consumers are able to place orders based on product family, usage, price range, processor, and form factors.
Q5. E-commerce model in this case
Although the company makes use of advanced technology into its business information system, there are potential problems inside its E-business model. The model used in the FedEx case is the e-business to customer model. B2C stands for "business-to-consumer" and applies to any business or organization that sells its products or services to consumers over the Internet for its own use. Electronic commerce focuses on the use of ICT to enable the external activities and relationships of the business with individuals, groups and other businesses. Although the electronic B2C model has brought FedEx Corporation much advantages, there are still many potential problems hided under the surface.
For general users of e-commerce, the accessibility to Internet, such as web catalogs and servers, are unstable, expensive and insufficient in particular areas. This will generate limitations for business in accessing wider markets. Another problem is that if a business system's scalability is not sufficient and is able to be upgraded, it will result in debase, speed-down, and finally losing of customers.
Overall, the main disadvantage of E-commerce in general is the lack of trust and critical public infrastructure, slow navigation on the FedEx website, the high chance of consuming unideal products, and most of all lack of security for purchasing, such as transferring the banking account fund with secret codes provided.
For the FedEx Corporation e-commerce system, there is no universally accepted standard for quality, security and reliability. The software of e-commerce development tools, such as e-Shopping tools and Ship Manager Server, are always developing, and have difficulties in integrating the Internet and E-commerce software with parts of the existing applications and databases.
The lack of trust is one main reason why customers are unwilling to accept FedEx E-commerce due to privacy and security considerations. However, recent payment systems such as PayPal can solve this kind of problem. The danger of hackers accessing customer files and corrupting accounts is also related to privacy and legal problems.
For some middle-aged customers, it is hard to change their habit of viewing web catalog merchandise online; those customers persist in traditional ways of purchasing physical goods in actual shops and feel it difficult to change from a real to a virtual company.
Another drawback is that there are some products that people will not buy online. For some high-cost and unique items which have difficulties in offering the items in the e-commerce mode. Many of those products have websites that allow customers to browse, but most customers still want to feel and touch the item before they make a decision. Different expectations of goods and services from customers are typical of the online purchasing environment. An example is in the perception of colour. Due to different monitor facilities, imprecise information about colour makes it difficult for customers to make an accurate decision when purchasing online. Because customers are unable to trial or access the actual goods before buying and transferring, many customers will not take the risk of purchasing via the Internet.
The main disadvantage of FedEx e-business also contains the lack of growth in some sectors on account of product or sector limitations. Consumers do not look for food products on the Internet since they prefer going to the supermarket to buy the necessary items as and when the need arises.
Costly E-Business Solutions for Optimization: Substantial resources are required for redefining product lines in order to sell online. Upgrading computer systems, training IS employees, and updating website contents and status requires substantial resources, such as new hardware/software systems and services for transportation systems. Moreover, Electronic Data Management and Enterprise Resource Planning (ERP) necessary for ensuring optimal FedEx internal business processes may be looked upon, by some competitive companies, as one of the disadvantages of e-business.
Whatever the situation is, FedEx Corporation has to eventually change its measure and adopt e-business practices in order to pledge subsistence and success. For such deep analysis into advantages and disadvantages of its business model, as well as great improvement made by its managers and investors, the status of the company is considered the second most admired company in the US and also highly all over the world.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
quit or go on
This evening I have read a essay about confession of a prisoner under sentence of death, he deserved his punishment for he has done many curses to the public in order to benefit for himself. He was going to accept the capital punishment very soon. Suddenly I admired him for he was imposed to give up his life, when people like me should still continue their lives for a long time with no strong reasons, just for their physical instinct of afraid of death. He is able to experience the special process to go to that world, where no one has ever come back.
If there is such a rule, that every prisoner under execution can choose to live once they paid their properties to someone else who are too painful to go on living. Then someone else are going to experience euthanasia instead of prisoners peacefully. Their families or creditors will get a lot of money in return because of this. That person will be considered as never existed, clean and fresh.
I have been a vampire for twenty years. For such a long time my hosts--the parents bear hardship without any complaint. But what can I do in return? Just bring them much more annoyance and tire. I can neither stand manual work, nor bear headwork, so there's no meaning for me to exist, and my only ability is absorb other people's energy. Therefore if some prisoner under sentence of death is willing to support my parent's future lives, it will be an ideal thing.
The possibility is quite indistinct. My discreditable life will still continue, now that the life is valueless, and bear much more pain than happy, it is not a bad choice to give up. Maybe it's just the drive of idleness. However, hesitation arrest us to practice our plan from time to time, it is quite difficult to decide, I have to think about it now and again, for much time.
No desire is important now, because all will be lost at the end of people's life. Why every day I saw all people so hurried to do their affairs? They may try to bring themselves happiness, for a happier life. Well, it is a fair reason, but during the process it may bring them pain, and eventually they only enjoy the happiness for a short period of time, their desires grew up again to annoy them. Therefore they fall into pain again and again like a circle.
What about abandon all the desire? But there's no such person in this world. They are all lying in the graves. Even they are living, they are like dead people, walking corpse and running flesh. It has the same substance as death.
It is really difficult to decide.
If there is such a rule, that every prisoner under execution can choose to live once they paid their properties to someone else who are too painful to go on living. Then someone else are going to experience euthanasia instead of prisoners peacefully. Their families or creditors will get a lot of money in return because of this. That person will be considered as never existed, clean and fresh.
I have been a vampire for twenty years. For such a long time my hosts--the parents bear hardship without any complaint. But what can I do in return? Just bring them much more annoyance and tire. I can neither stand manual work, nor bear headwork, so there's no meaning for me to exist, and my only ability is absorb other people's energy. Therefore if some prisoner under sentence of death is willing to support my parent's future lives, it will be an ideal thing.
The possibility is quite indistinct. My discreditable life will still continue, now that the life is valueless, and bear much more pain than happy, it is not a bad choice to give up. Maybe it's just the drive of idleness. However, hesitation arrest us to practice our plan from time to time, it is quite difficult to decide, I have to think about it now and again, for much time.
No desire is important now, because all will be lost at the end of people's life. Why every day I saw all people so hurried to do their affairs? They may try to bring themselves happiness, for a happier life. Well, it is a fair reason, but during the process it may bring them pain, and eventually they only enjoy the happiness for a short period of time, their desires grew up again to annoy them. Therefore they fall into pain again and again like a circle.
What about abandon all the desire? But there's no such person in this world. They are all lying in the graves. Even they are living, they are like dead people, walking corpse and running flesh. It has the same substance as death.
It is really difficult to decide.
Monday, July 12, 2010
depravity
Lying in the darkness,I kept on thinking of one problem, in fact the method is simple: just pull the drawer, take out those tablets, put them into my mouth and then swallow them with the peach juice. Only half of one tablet is enough for sleep, so all of them may liberate my soul from the physical body. From that on, I will return back to the dim world I come from, where no feelings have ever existed, and this situation will last forever, I don't have to struggle for meanless life tiredly.
It's really so easy to complete the process, that I am surprised for such a shortcut to take to touch death. What's the meaning of waiting with fear and bearing tremendous pains for 60 or 70 years until the final judgement? The remote death country must be the same one which before we are born. It is a peacefully dead world, completely quiet one. There should be no reason for me to reject coming into it, on the contrary, it is quite suitable for me, who is suffocating roughly without any desire.
Thinking all of this, my blood condensed at once, and I began to breath rapidly. The contradictory minds conflict fiercely.Just image so many colorful dreams as bubbles rose highly and finally broke. However I was still like being nailed on the bed, can't even move to the drawer.
How shameful!!! My weakness in character has never been changed till now. Now that I can't live respectively, what's the point to continue the life like this?
The purpose of my life now is not for myself, but only my parents, they don't want to lose me, so I can't hurt them. That's the only purpose of my life. I have found an explanation to cover my weakness. However, my heart has already dead, numb, and despair. I can image from the darkness the fate is still striking me with his whip, and I am still crawling forward. My body is becoming putrid generally. From now on, I am really a dead person, until some day I have decided sufficiently to go to the shortcut way to another world.
Comparing to many other people, both my character and capability are too weak for surviving in this brutal world, even once the wind blow me, I can't stand still. So living is such a painful thing, every step of mine is standing on the edge of knives, so I may not belong to this world......
Not brave enough to die, so only degenerate.
It's really so easy to complete the process, that I am surprised for such a shortcut to take to touch death. What's the meaning of waiting with fear and bearing tremendous pains for 60 or 70 years until the final judgement? The remote death country must be the same one which before we are born. It is a peacefully dead world, completely quiet one. There should be no reason for me to reject coming into it, on the contrary, it is quite suitable for me, who is suffocating roughly without any desire.
Thinking all of this, my blood condensed at once, and I began to breath rapidly. The contradictory minds conflict fiercely.Just image so many colorful dreams as bubbles rose highly and finally broke. However I was still like being nailed on the bed, can't even move to the drawer.
How shameful!!! My weakness in character has never been changed till now. Now that I can't live respectively, what's the point to continue the life like this?
The purpose of my life now is not for myself, but only my parents, they don't want to lose me, so I can't hurt them. That's the only purpose of my life. I have found an explanation to cover my weakness. However, my heart has already dead, numb, and despair. I can image from the darkness the fate is still striking me with his whip, and I am still crawling forward. My body is becoming putrid generally. From now on, I am really a dead person, until some day I have decided sufficiently to go to the shortcut way to another world.
Comparing to many other people, both my character and capability are too weak for surviving in this brutal world, even once the wind blow me, I can't stand still. So living is such a painful thing, every step of mine is standing on the edge of knives, so I may not belong to this world......
Not brave enough to die, so only degenerate.
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