Bet on a single throw and retreat before the impossible, which behavior is more close to noble?
Be surrounded by so much resistance, that even oneself begin to suspect, is it a kind of depletion of time to keep on doing something out of one's capacity.
Besieged on all sides, however still struggle in abyss of misery with no boundaries, trying to beat fate. Gradually become powerless, not only because of tiring, but also for the hurt. If the enemies stab and wound me, I will be stimulated by this action and then fight back. But what about someone are always comrade-in-arms, stop their support and turn the weapon towards you? The hurt is more deep than what the enemy grants me, for it happens when I am absolutely with no alert or expectation, and at the same time I can never accept it emotionally.
Retreat before the impossible, I think my mind has not matured to the extend of giving up doing anything. Any giving up will only brings me serious frustration, that in the future whenever I meet any difficulties, I will doubt my capacity and repeatedly fail. Maybe it is the tragedy of idealists, who always image of the best situation oneself can achieve, nevertheless, in the normal life it is full of things change unpredictably, and the idealists are very easily hurt for things not happening in their original plan. If it is the realist then he can adapt everything peacefully.
It is so difficult to image the condition after I give up. Now I am imaging that, before it happens, I have still gambling for my future and fighting hardly. When I fail, I will block myself in a private room and go on a hunger strike. But the survival instinct will never allow me to do so for a long time. Simultaneously with the coercion of people closest to me, I will find it no point to resist alone those tragedies, neither anyone will come and rescue me. The idea of alley begin to get the run upon, and I am still weak enough not to give up my life.
In order to obtain the power of living, I will try to do something I am really interested in. Because previously I have made a choice to sacrifice my hobbies and run the high risk. However the happy life is also contemporary, for what I am interested in can hardly bring me any income, I am out in a tight spot again.
Therefore I have to learn something starting from scratch. I have wasted so much time on things before, so I am unavoidable to become irritable when I am carrying on my study. My study will naturally not adequately good, but also not terrible enough. Without the passion of life, I become a powerless people, abandon the romantic thought and always worried about tiniest things, receiving the low but stable wages, babbling on and on about the adventure happened in my youth after I become older as a common lady.
I am not sure the things happen after that, for I may still keep on living like this, or, I will sooner or later completely change my job into an ideal one. It's the idealist's another imagination. The change will due to a rare opportunity, so that my fate can really be changed. If it doesn't happen, I may finish my whole life with disappointment.
Expecting all possibilities which could happen in the future, I will try to struggle not to give up the life now. If I finally can not achieve it, I will try to avoid living as those predictions. Also I don't hope to live too long to bear the mental suffering attack me from time to time.
